Killer Sally: Marine Mom Who Shot Her Husband
Sally McNeil's story is one that grips you from the start — a former Marine, a champion bodybuilder, and a mother who, on Valentine's Day 1995, shot her husband, Ray McNeil. The case shocked the nation and sparked a fierce debate: Was Sally a battered wife pushed beyond her limits, or a killer hiding behind her muscle and media portrayal? Decades later, the truth remains tangled in a web of power, trauma, and justice.
The Rise of Sally and Ray McNeil
Sally McNeil was born in 1960 in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Her early life was marked by family struggles, including an allegedly abusive alcoholic father and a difficult relationship with her stepfather. After high school, she joined the Marines, following family footsteps, and rose to the rank of sergeant. During her service, she began bodybuilding, a pursuit that would define much of her adult life.
Ray McNeil, born in 1965 in North Carolina, was also a Marine and a bodybuilder. He earned the title of Mr. California in 1991 and was known for his impressive 256-pound frame. In 1987, the two met at Camp Pendleton, married two months later, and became a bodybuilding power couple, winning the Armed Forces Bodybuilding Championships together in 1990.
Their shared military background and passion for bodybuilding seemed like a perfect match, but beneath the surface, their relationship was far from harmonious.
A Marriage Marked by Violence and Jealousy
From the beginning, Sally and Ray's marriage was tumultuous. Sally later described their attraction as "lust at first sight," as reported by PEOPLE, but the honeymoon phase quickly gave way to violence. Just three days after their wedding, Ray allegedly punched Sally, splitting her lip. Over the years, Sally claimed Ray physically abused her repeatedly — breaking her nose in front of their children, choking her, and inflicting other injuries like a broken toe and a torn rotator cuff.
Ray's anger was reportedly fueled by steroid use, which Sally said led to violent outbursts driven by jealousy and insecurity. Despite his imposing size, Ray was described as having a short fuse and a volatile temper. Sally's children witnessed some of the abuse, and her son John alleged that Ray also abused him, as reported by PEOPLE.
Adding to the complexity, Ray was unfaithful, with Sally alleging multiple affairs, including one with a man who lived with them for a time. This betrayal deepened the fractures in their already fragile marriage.
The Fateful Night: Valentine's Day 1995
On February 14, 1995, the couple's volatile relationship reached a tragic climax. Ray came home late, and an argument erupted. Sally was putting on makeup, preparing to go out, which Ray opposed, fearing she might meet someone else. The disagreement escalated into violence, with Ray allegedly hitting and choking Sally. Fearing for her life, Sally retrieved a 12-gauge shotgun from their bedroom, loaded it, and shot Ray twice — once in the abdomen and once in the head.
Sally immediately called 911, reporting that she had shot her husband because he had beaten her. Ray was airlifted to a hospital but died hours later. The scene was chaotic, with Sally in shock over having killed the man she once loved.
The Trial: Self-Defense or Premeditated Murder?
Sally's trial became a national spectacle, with the prosecution painting her as a violent woman who could not have been a victim due to her muscular physique and aggressive past. They argued the shooting was premeditated, pointing to the fact that she fired two shots and had a history of violent outbursts, including previous arrests for assault and confrontations with police.
The defense countered with a battered-woman syndrome argument, explaining that Sally's actions were the result of years of abuse and fear for her life. They highlighted Ray's steroid use and violent behavior as key factors leading to the shooting. Despite this, the jury convicted Sally of second-degree murder in 1996, sentencing her to 19 years to life.
Sally's conviction was overturned on appeal in 2003 but reinstated by the California Supreme Court in 2005. She served 25 years before being granted parole in 2020.
Life After Prison: A New Chapter
Since her release, Sally has tried to rebuild her life. She lives in Northern California with her new husband, Norfleet Stewart, whom she reportedly met at a Veterans Transition Center support group, and has reconnected with her children. The Netflix documentary "Killer Sally," directed by Nanette Burstein, offers Sally's perspective, portraying her as a complex figure — neither a perfect victim nor a cold-blooded killer. Sally herself acknowledges her flaws but maintains her innocence, emphasizing the trauma and hardship she endured.
The documentary has reignited public interest and debate over her case, challenging viewers to consider the nuances of abuse, power, and justice.
The Ongoing Debate: What Is the Truth?
Sally McNeil's story forces us to confront uncomfortable questions. Can a woman with immense physical strength be a victim of domestic abuse? How do we weigh the evidence of violence on both sides? And how does the justice system handle cases where trauma and power collide?
Her case highlights the complexities of battered-woman syndrome and the challenges victims face in proving abuse, especially when they defy traditional stereotypes. It also exposes the harsh scrutiny women like Sally endure when their strength and aggression are used against them in court.
References: Who Is Sally McNeil? Why She Shot and Killed Her Husband on Valentine's Day | 'Killer Sally' McNeil, The Bodybuilder Who Murderd Her Husband | Where Is Sally McNeil Now? How One Tragic Valentine's Day Changed Her Life - Newsweek
